LEAVE AUBREY ALONE!
by PsychoticSushi
Summary: Aubrey Holloway isn't your average Captain. For one thing, she's from the 21st century. Plus, she's crazy...like a fox. So when Jack Sparrow asks for her help, she sees the perfect way back home. Question is, will she survive the annoyances on the way?
1. Captain Holloway

**This is my first Pirates fic, so give me and my OC a break if it's a bit sketchy at first.**

**It'll improve, i assure you! My fics always do :D**

**So, that's it. **

**Enjoy. :)**

* * *

"Captain!"

A groan resonated through the room.

"We're under fire!"

She shot up, knocking over her chair and a few maps in the process. Sure enough, the ship shuddered. The young captain followed her first mate, hand on the cutlass hanging from her belt.

There was indeed a ship firing right at them, their cannon fire flashing in sharp contrast to the pale, setting sun.

She sighed. She KNEW she shouldn't have drank all that alcohol last night. Whiskey and rum just do _not _equal a good evening.

Nor a good morning-after.

"Alright, alright, man up, boys! Double the fire, aim a little to the right of your target, mind that damn wind!" She screeched against the wind that had suddenly picked up. A storm was blowing in.

After doing a quick run-around to make sure everyone was doing what needed to be done, she manned one of the cannons herself while keeping an eye on her helmsman. He was the latest newbie, and the last thing she needed was the one steering the ship to quit on her.

They put up a good fight, but were soon overrun by the fellow pirates. Even though it killed her to do so, she knew what she had to do, and gave her crew the signal to surrender.

They didn't contradict her; they were tired as hell. _Some crew THEY are..._

A burly hulk of a man had her at gunpoint when she heard a rather ominous-sounding _**CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK**_ of boots.

She glared at the man who walked- no, waltzed- no, _strutted _up to her. "I demand to speak with your captain," he declared.

* * *

"Idiot, I _am _the captain," she snapped, hands on her hips.

He gave her a once-over, and her glare intensified. "You? _You're _Captain Holloway?"

"Last time I checked, yes. Captain Aubrey Holloway. Now whaddaya want?" She replied shortly.

His mouth twitched a little, almost forming a smirk. "Scrawny thing, aren't you? Well, if you're Captain Holloway..." He paused.

Aubrey blinked. "...Well, if that's all you have to say, feel free to leave my ship. It's obvious we have no loot just yet. You have no need to be here."

_Then again, since when do pirates need to have a reason to do...well, pirate stuff? Jeez, you'd think being stuck in this time period for six months would teach me a few things.._

"You didn't say 'Parlay'."

"Who needs Parlay? No pirates ever follow the Code anymore.."

"I still do, luv."

"Fine. Parlay. Happy?"

"Your request is void, since it was not your original intention, and therefore has been denied," he commented. She huffed. "Will you just continue with whatever the hell you wanted to say, Captain Sparrow?"

"Ahhh, so you know my name. I'm flattered, luv."

"Captain Holloway," she corrected through gritted teeth. No wonder everyone in the Caribbean and England wanted to kill this guy.

"Aye, right. As I was saying before you got me distracted, I-"

"ME? You got _yourself _distracted!" She exclaimed defensively. The men around them looked at each other.

They weren't being very Captain-y.

He waved her comment off. "Besides the current issue at hand, luv. Now. I require your assistance."

"Require?"

"Demand."

"_Demand_?"

"Suggest."

"No!"

"Ask."

"What kind of assistance?" She asked curiously. Her crew members finally just sat on the ground or on the cannons, and looked at Sparrow's mates as if suggesting they do the same.

They knew with Captain Aubrey Holloway that this conversation could last all night, until it was made clear that whatever assistance she'd be offering was _her _idea, and hers alone.

Captain Sparrow didn't seem to bothered by this. Yet.

"Treasure. What else would I want?"

"Rum. Women. A new hat, perhaps?"

"Perhaps. But none of which shall require _your _assistance, madam."

Aubrey eyed him suspiciously. After seeing every single Pirates movie at least twice, it was common sense Sparrow had some ulterior motive.

"Why MY assistance, Sparrow?"

"CAPTAIN Sparrow. And 'tis simple. Your heists have been bouncing all over the seas for months now. You've been chased across the Caribbean but have yet to be apprehended, and you seem to have no plan or ulterior motives behind your plundering other than steal and run. And I am quite certain that below deck, at this very moment, there are at least five men down there locked in your cells. Therefore, you are just the Captain I need."

Her hands returned to her hips. "And what kind of Captain is that?"

"The kind that has absolutely _no _idea what they're doing."

* * *

Her crew mates nudged each other as they noticed her eyes flash from their usual brown to a glinting amber, as per usual when she was miffed.

"Hey, look, do you want my help or not, Jack?"

He rolled his eyes. "No need to get dramatic and overreact, luv. See, this is why I was hoping you were male. A _male _captain wouldn't be quite as offended."

Aubrey was about to give him the verbal beat-down she already had prepared, but just opened and closed her mouth like a fish.

Would she _really _go so far as to be a smart-ass towards her current captor? Whether she liked it or not, the only option she had was to just agree to help. And the smirk on his face told her that he knew it just as much as she did.

But after a moment, a thought occurred to her. He had that compass still, didn't he? What she wanted most, despite her adventures here the past few months, was to get home and return to her life and the people she had left behind.

Maybe the compass would help her do that.

This time, _she _was the one smiling. "Actually..I already know where we can find a _ton _of loot, Sparrow."

* * *

"_Captain _Sparrow," he muttered under his breath before continuing, "Ah, excellent! Where would this treasure be?"

She scoffed, brushing the hair out of her face. "What the hell makes you think I'll tell you right _now_? If you recall, you're currently standing on MY ship, threatening ME and MY CREW, and frankly, you piss me off. I'll help you find it if you meet my demands."

Sparrow's mates snickered, and the Captain simply blinked. "You, my _captive_, are giving me _demands_."

"Aye."

"...Out of common curiosity, what are these demands you speak of?"

She folded her arms across her chest with a mischievous smirk. "One, I want my crew mates allowed to leave my command without being apprehended by you at a later date. Two, I shall help you on MY terms, and you have no right to boss me around. Three, I shall still be referred to as Captain Holloway, it has a nice ring to it, don't you think? And FOUR...I want a new hat of _my choice_," she concluded.

Dead silence, save for the creak of the ship. Jack seemed to be actually _considering _her demands.

His crew looked between each other, obviously questioning his sanity. Well, everyone knew he _had _no sanity, but they were still surprised he would listen to anyone besides himself.

_Her _crew were now the ones snickering, and her smirk grew as she brushed her auburn right-sided bangs out of her face. "Jack Sparrow, this is your only option. Without me, you shall _never _find this treasure, I can assure you of that. Meet my demands, or you get no assistance."

"I could take you prisoner."

"I won't talk. I think you'll find I have a high tolerance for pain." That wasn't entirely a lie.

They attempted to stare each other down, until finally Sparrow's first mate cleared his throat. "Er, Captain?"

"WHAT?" He snapped, not backing down and continuing to glare at his shorter adversary.

"There's a ship on starboard. She's approaching fast, and has the Queen's flag waving."

Both Captains' faces fell, trying to figure out which pirate they were after. Finally, Jack let out a tiny sigh and held out a hand. "...Agreed.."

* * *

Aubrey broke into a wide triumphant grin and shook his hand firmly before addressing her crew. "Anyone coming?"

They all looked at each other, and Aubrey shrugged. "Fine. If you wanted to come, you wouldn't hesitate. Have fun outrunning the Queen's Navy," she said cheerfully.

And with that, despite her former crew's panicking, she gave Jack a look. He just looked to his first mate, who had a smirk on his face at her nonchalant behavior. "Cut the ropes, lads. Let's get our asses outta here before they pay a visit!" He shouted.

* * *

Most of Jack's crew was already back on board, and Aubrey made a point of walking in front of Jack across the gangplank.

She stopped once on his ship, turned to face her former crew, and with a mock bow, waggled her fingers at them. "Toodle-loo, boys!"

As Jack's crew prepared to leave, he looked at her curiously. "You're willing to just leave your crew? _Just _like that?"

Aubrey shrugged. "I got caught today. _Obviously _they weren't working out too well."

Besides; where they were going, the less witnesses the better.

"So, about the location of this treasure?" He prompted anxiously.

She simply shook her head. "Right now why don't you focus on getting us out of here? I'm taking a nap."

Before he could even say something smart back, she had taken up residence on a barrel, dipping her hat across her face so she could sleep in peace.

Although she DID hear him say something along the lines of, "What a bloody daft woman."

* * *

**So? Whaddaya think?**

**Please review. It'd probably do wonders, might even make the story better!**

**Praise, awesome.**

**Comments, cool.**

**Questions, I'll answer.**

**Flames, I'll consider and probably laugh at, but accept nonetheless.**

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**SO REVIEW!**

**later :)**


	2. Bad Luck & High Alcohol Tolerance

**I...am SO sorry for taking so long to update! I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to happen next. **

**...I'm still not sure what I wanted to happen next, actually XD**

**But I thought of a next chapp for you guys, and I just hope I did as good a job with Jack's in-characterness (is that even a word? 0_0) as I did that first chapp. Thanks so much for all the reviews and faves and alerts, they're much appreciated!**

**Well, read, review, and enjoy! :D**

* * *

"It takes true skill to fall asleep amid all that cannonfire," Gibbs commented as she stretched, her hat falling to the deck in the process.

"I'm _full_ of skill," was her reply as her spine popped in a few places, making a couple crewmembers flinch. Aubrey's eyes flitted up to look at them as she picked up her hat. "...Whatchya lookin' at?"

They whistled innocently, going about their business as she dusted her hat off, each swipe with meaning.

Gibbs simply chuckled and tilted his bottle towards the sky, chugging what she assumed was rum.

"Where's Sparrow?"

"CAPTAIN, luv, _Captain _Jack Sparrow," he called out from above her. She jumped and looked up to see him up by the wheel of the ship.

"...Oh," she said simply before huffing, popping her knuckles and rolling her shoulders a couple times. She hated falling asleep in odd places, it always made her stiff.

"You called?" he shouted down to her. Aubrey scowled up at him. "Just wanting to know where _not_ to go on this bloody ship!"

"Well, it appears your strategy failed, seeing as I know where you are. No use in hiding _now_, is there?"

"I wasn't going to _hide_!" she exclaimed, standing to her feet indignantly. "I was simply going to...go...in another direction...stealthily," she insisted, shoving her hat onto her head for emphasis.

"That still wouldn't help either of us, luv, I need meself a heading," he replied.

"That's _Captain Holloway_, Sparrow. Don't be forgettin' our deal," she snapped, stomping up the steps in the hopes that her shouting would hurt his ears if she got close enough.

"Our deal's void until we find that treasure you promised, therefore I can call you whatever I bloody feel suitable. ...Luuuv," he replied with a smirk, drawing out the term.

Why were men always bound and determined to piss her off?

"Say it one more time and I'll cut out your damn tongue," she growled menacingly, her fingers itching towards her cutlass.

Man, was she fond of that cutlass. She'd gotten it amidst her first heist, and her fencing skills combined with the weapon made that heist successful.

"Can you _reach it_ from that far down, luv?" he asked skeptically, making her glare intensify as she gripped the hilt tighter.

"Why you-"

"All I need is a bloody heading!" he exclaimed exasperatedly. "We've been dead on the waters for close to two hours now, and I'm not quite keen on the Royal Navy joining us this evening. Neither do I feel quite like being reacquainted with those bloody irons they love to clap me into. Savvy?"

Aubrey continued to glare at him before huffing in defeat. "...Fine."

"Ah, good. Now, that heading."

"Hand me your compass and you'll have it."

"That won't be necessary if you tell me a direction."

"I'll be needin' that compass _for_ the directions."

"Every good cap'n needs a compass, y'know," he said scornfully, "but I'm sure Gibbs'll be-"

"YOURS, Sparrow."

"CAPTAIN Sparrow."

"Fine. I'll be needin' _your _compass for the heading, _Captain_ Sparrow. If that's too difficult for you, I can just sit back and watch your crew get antsier and antsier at the fact that their _captain_ has no heading," she said simply, sitting on the railing of his ship and crossing her legs smugly.

After a few moments in which he seemed to deliberate between killing her now or later, he reluctantly pulled his compass out from within his coat and held it out to her. Aubrey hopped off the railing and strode over to take it.

Due to the grip he had on it, it took her about three tries, but on the third she got it free with an eyeroll at him afterward. "Such a baby."

"As your captain, I resent that," he informed her.

"You're _not_ my captain."

"I beg to differ, this is MY ship."

She ignored that, focusing on what she wanted the most. _Home, home, ho – there's no place like home, there's no place like home, _she suddenly started chanting, deciding that it had worked for Dorothy and would probably work for her, too.

Jack eyed it eagerly as the needle swung around precariously before steadying in a Northwest direction. "Ah-HA! Finally, a heading! Took you long enough, luv."

"That's _Captain Holloway_," she replied, tossing the compass over his head and watching him spastically try to grab it before it went over the railing.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Great. I've entrusted myself to the most spastic pirate of the Spanish Main," she muttered as she thudded back down the stairs.

"Oi, where do you think you're going?" he asked.

"To find something to drink before I die of thirst, if that's quite alright with you."

"Only if you bring some rum back with you."

"I intend to do just that," she replied cheerfully. _And then watch you suffer as I drink it in front of you,_ she added in her head with a mischievous smirk to herself.

"I believe that, once again, another woman's resolve has been weakened under the overwhelming charm of Captain Jack Sparrow," he informed Gibbs once he thought she was out of earshot.

"Aye, you might be right, Cap'n," he replied. Though, having seen the smirk on her face, his tone was more than a little doubtful.

_**

* * *

**_

_**THREE****MINUTES LATER...**_

"We burn up the city, we're really a fright. Drink up, me hearties, yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me," Aubrey sang to herself cheerfully as she bounded back up the stairs towards the wheel, tossing Gibbs another bottle of rum and popping the cap off of her own.

Jack held out a hand, prepared to catch his, and frowned when she took a huge swig of her own bottle.

He must've noticed her other hand was empty.

Jack popped his head past Gibbs to the left, looking down the stairs to see if she had dropped some, which just made her smirk grow.

"Oh, look at that. I forgot all _about _you and your rum!" she said with mock sincerity. She sighed mournfully and shook her head. "Oh well. I shall thoroughly enjoy mine in your honor. What say you, Gibbs?"

"Aye," he replied with a chuckle, moving to knock his bottle against hers. He then noticed the look of pure murder on his captain's face directed towards Aubrey and moved to scratch his head with that hand instead.

Aubrey rolled her eyes and took another swig. He stared her down as Gibbs continued to man the wheel. "So, lass. This treasure."

"I'm sorry, I only respond to Captain Holloway," she replied innocently.

"Well, you just responded. _Lass_. So respond again; This time about the treasure, if you please."

Aubrey narrowed her eyes, but did so anyway. "Aye, alright. The treasure. I've seen it with my own eyes. Riches beyond belief – beyond the simple gold and silver so many pirates are satisfied with. If you're anything like me, the gold and silver isn't always enough. These riches are jewels, relics, magic, priceless items all for the taking. And, being the generous person I am, I'm willing to let you have ten percent."

He had a greedy glint in his eye throughout her explanation, but it soon turned to indignation at that last part. "Fifty."

"Twelve."

"Forty-five!"

"Twenty-five, that's as high as I'm going."

"I have a better idea! I'll let you have _all _the treasure! You can even secure it on my ship, and I know the perfect place to hide your spoils: a little piece of land off the coast of-"

"I am NOT falling for that trick!" she exclaimed. "I'm not near stupid enough. You're not marooning _me_ any time soon."

His face fell as she continued to drink her rum. "...Bugger," he muttered to himself, defeated.

"Twenty-five, Sparrow. Take it or leave it."

"...Aye, agreed," he relented after a five-minute staredown. Aubrey grinned triumphantly. "I knew you'd see it my way! Everyone usually does."

"Not by choice, I imagine."

"No, not usually." And with that, she rather deliberately swallowed the last bit of her rum, watching him suffer as she licked her lips. "Mmmm. That was great rum." Then she slid down the banister of the stairs, jumped off at the end, and straightened her hat before wandering off.

Jack and Gibbs exchanged a look as she popped the top off another bottle of rum, still not slurring her words or swaying in the least bit.

"...'Tis bad luck to let a woman onboard. 'Tis even worse luck when that woman has a high alcohol tolerance," Gibbs commented ominously.

"I'm inclined to agree with ya, mate," Jack replied moodily. "She just might drink all the rum."


End file.
